How often have we felt that someone was listening to us with interest, only to find out that they were just waiting for their chance to talk about themselves?
The American psychologist and psychotherapist Carl Rogers first described active listening as a tool for client-centered psychotherapy:
„Developing an attitude of sincere interest in the speaker is thus no easy task. It can be developed only by being willing to risk seeing the world from the speaker’s point of view. If we have a number of such experiences, however, they will shape an attitude which will allow us to be truly genuine in our interest in the speaker.“
Rogers, Carl R., and Farson, Richard Evans. Active Listening. USA, Martino Fine Books, 2015.
Active listening is not just an technique for therapy idea, but a powerful tool in ALL human relationships—at work, with friends, or with partners.
Dale Carnegie, in his wonderful book “How To Win Friends and Influence People”, hits the nail on the head:
„You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.“
Carnegie, Dale. How To Win Friends and Influence People. Österreich, Scherz, 1971.
According to him, a person will not find many (true) friends if they only try to impress other people.
„The world is full of people grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.“ – Dale Carnegie
Oh, that sounds interesting. But until my next conversation I will forget this...
I guess this is the wrong attitude. It is not something you artificially produce. That would feel unnatural to the other person. There’s a simple trick:
„To be interested be interested.“ – Dale Carnegie
It might sound trivial, but it is not. It’s like getting inside the head and gut of the person you’re talking to. It’s not about manipulation. It’s about genuine interest in the other person, not flattery.
I can’t recommend reading both books enough:
- Carnegie, Dale. How To Win Friends and Influence People. Österreich, Scherz, 1971. (YouTube Summary)
- Rogers, Carl R., and Farson, Richard Evans. Active Listening. USA, Martino Fine Books, 2015.